worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
