everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
