I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize