ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
