Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
