chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
