every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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