i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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