I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
