I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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