just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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