I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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