dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
