just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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