so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Mom said you looked used
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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