i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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