You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
