If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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