saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
