Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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