dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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