btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
