Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
