Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
