I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
