please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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