I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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