No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
