some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
