I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just tell him i said nine months
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
