No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
