i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
