Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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