At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
