Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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