why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
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Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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