"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
