I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
