Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
