six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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