I just pynch a tree in the face
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
