I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
