I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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