Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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