I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
