all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
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Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
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Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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