Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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