Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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