Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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