I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me