U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked