just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.