I want to make a zoo with you.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
