I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
