haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
