My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
