Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
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We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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