You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
