So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
