Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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