she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
