I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
