5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
soo... how was my night?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
