By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
