Sponge bath it is.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
