the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
