Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.