just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
