The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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