Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You're earring is so big in my mouth
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
