the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
