i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
