A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
