Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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