I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
