I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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