Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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