Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
