Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
