Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Congratulations! We have a period
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