Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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