I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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