i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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