Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.

Fav 39 5608 872
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(785): View more from Kansas

I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.

Fav 21 6134 986
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(314): View more from Missouri

i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.

Fav 11 4435 1169
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(585): View more from New York

he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice

Fav 18 6220 2011
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(214): View more from Texas

Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.

Fav 4 2935 1229
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(843): View more from South Carolina

I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.

Fav 33 1842 3346
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(334): View more from Alabama

Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.

Fav 2 1894 1020
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls

Fav 5 960 579
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(512): View more from Texas

He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.

Fav 5 633 523
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