look no pants
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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