The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
