You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
