Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
